The other night, I was out for drinks with a bunch of friends and other folks from the office. I normally avoid the topic of faeries in public, but seeing as I was pretty drunk by the end of the night, I got careless. One guy I didn’t know (we’ll call him Richard) got me talking about where faeries actually live. He says it’s in order to better avoid them, but I suspect he’s going to try capturing one. I think it’s a terrible idea, but perhaps if I disclose what I know to the rest of you, you’ll be smart and use that info to avoid running into faeries. If you think of them as poison ivy or venomous vipers, you’ve got the right idea. Tiny vipers with boobs that will give you itches in all the wrong places.
So… here’s a top 10 list of places where faeries like to hang out (and why). In true Letterman fashion, let me countdown from the end.
10. Under patches of flowers, because it protects them from the sun (those wings get toasty real fast!)
9. In mailboxes, where cats can’t easily chase them
8. In squirrel nests — I hear squirrels and faeries throw MEAN parties a few times a year
7. In the attics of wizard academies, where a lot of magical fumes and residues get trapped
6. Nearby ponds, where they like to engage in the mysterious hobby of toad-tipping (something they’ve learned from humans, I think)
5. At non-perpendicular crossroads, for reasons that still elude me today
4. In wine cellars, where they have been known to lace bottles wtih faerie dust
3. In bushes near university campuses, where they are known to observe and rate human kissing ability
2. In church steeples, mostly (I think) because loud ringing bells get them hot
And the #1 place where faeries like to hang out:
1. Under pillows, where humans leave so much spell-worthy components!
Some of these places are unavoidable in real life, so just be careful to check carefully before doing something disruptive while a faerie is just having her afternoon nap. Otherwise, you might find that your left hand now has a will of its own, and a certain affection for your boss’ genitalia whenever it’s within reach.
I’m just sayin’…
Jaycee