Sometimes, when you live with faeries, you have to be careful what you wish for…
Sunday night, I got together with Mallory to go to a comedy club. I know this girl who works there and was able to get tickets to a VIP table. Mallory looked pretty hot, that night. She’d tied her hair in a French braid and was wearing a sexy black summer dress that didn’t cover much of her thighs. The whole outfit was completed with black pumps that gave her a lot more class than her normal clothes would suggest. To be honest, the old me would have been pretty intimidated, being with a girl like this. But knowing that she already liked me kind of gave me confidence I didn’t have before.
The show started and we laughed a lot. It turns out having a VIP table isn’t entirely a good thing. It means you’re in full view of the comedians, so they can make fun of you. All part of the price of admission, I guess. So the warm-up guy took a few pot shots at me, asking if I’d hired “her” (referring to Mallory) or if she was my sister. I laughed, har har, so very funny. I replied out loud, “No, it’s YOUR sister!” Double har har. The audience laughed. The comedian rolled with it. “I’m Corsican, buddy. Are you sure you like my sister?” When I hesitated, he faked pulling out a knife and waved it in my direction. “What? WHAT?!? You don’t like my sister?!?” More laughter.
The show went on. I’ll be honest, I was a bit more interested by Mallory’s long white legs than by the show and she eventually noticed. She winked at me and patted my thigh. Then she left her hand there, as if by accident. It wasn’t an accident, though. I could tell she was heating up a little. Finally, I thought. When the show stopped for the intermission, her hand was still in the same place. Heck, was I imagining this or had she kind of crept closer to my crotch?
“Hey, Mal,” I started. “Careful where you put those fingers, I normally charge for this, you know?”
“Your loss,” she said, laughing. Even I could tell it was the practiced laugh and smile of a player. She took her hand off my thigh and caressed the side of my face. She wasn’t buying my banter, that much was obvious, but it wasn’t turning her off. In fact, in an odd case of cognitive dissonance, it looked like she was getting hotter. Were those indentations I noticed on the front of her dress, where her nipples should be? I didn’t dare break eye contact to check, but I was pretty sure I was right. I put my hand over hers, trapping it against my cheek.
“Look, I gotta settle something.” I took a deep breath. “I’m kind of getting mixed signals, here…”
She blushed a little. This wasn’t practiced, this was real. She was getting very excited. About me. It was kind of flattering, too.
“Mixed signals, eh? You’re a fine one to talk…” Her flush deepened and she fanned herself with the drinks menu on our table. “You’re all about mixed signals. Obviously Brooke taught you well.”
I mulled that over for a second, slightly confused. I looked at her. There were no mixed signals now, that was for sure. I’d been using my faerie sight long enough to know when a girl was good and ready, and Mallory was as ready as they came. Then I had an epiphany.
“You think I’m playing you? That’s why you’re stalling? You think I’m a pick-up artist?”
She nodded. “Obviously. If Brooke called me in to stall you when you were hunting for phone numbers, that’s because you must be pretty good. He’s never called me for help before.
My jaw dropped. I had my first epiphany of the night (I’ll get to the second one in a moment). I’ve become a player. And if Mallory’s testimony is any indication, a pretty good one at that. Truth is, I don’t believe I am, but with the help of my faerie sight, I can see how someone would think that.
“Mal, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’m just the reverse. Not even close to being a player, not one bit.”
She leaned in closer. There was molten fire in her eyes. And from the look of things, her eyes weren’t the only parts of her that were melting. She parted her lips and leaned further in to kiss me. Suddenly, everything was hot and vibrant. I lingered into the kiss for a long moment, until a tiny voice chirped into my ear.
“There,” Minx said. “She’s all good and ready for you. You can thank me later.”
The moment was shattered like a broken mirror. Damn that faerie!!! My eyes flew open and I pushed Mallory back a little. That took her by surprise.
“What’s wrong?”
I tried to recover quickly, looking for an explanation that would make sense. This must have been my lucky day because a comedian just stepped onto the stage at that very moment.
“Show’s restarting,” I said. “Let’s not draw attention to ourselves.”
And so the show went on while I sat next to a very, very hot girl who spent the next hour squirming onto her seat.
Damn those faeries!
–Jaycee
“I’m doing it.”