Brunch with the Girls

Okay, that flirting thing is getting out of control.

This morning, around 10:00, Mandy, Brooke, and “his” girlfriend Roseanne all got together for brunch. Mandy was there first, and I was really happy to see her. She looked really good, wearing a short and slinky black dress and a white jacket. I couldn’t help myself and immediately started hitting on her, complimenting her on how sexy that outfit was. (“Admit it, you’re wearing it just to seduce me, aren’t you?”) She blushed a little bit (how cute!) and started giving me a hard time about how much of a pig I am, but I hit her right back with a couple of well-placed comments on how she’d be disappointed if I DIDN’T at least notice her looks. (I think the bit about her new French manicure really scored me some points.) I said I’d normally ask for her number, but since I already had it, there was no point. And then she said I was right, there was no point, since I wasn’t using it much these days…

And on this, Brooke and Roseanne showed up. The “Twin Racks,” as Mandy and I like to call them. And watching them walk in side by side, snuggled against each other, I knew that the sideways boob-squashing that was going on had as much to do with Brooke’s lecherous nature as it did with the curse that caused his breasts to be magically “attracted” to large breasts. Again, I couldn’t resist the impulse and paid both of them a few compliments. Roseanne laughed at me while Brooke’s face turned pink and he snuggled closer against Roseanne.

We sat down, ordered juice, coffee, and breakfast. I did my best to refrain from flirting, but I just couldn’t stop. I mostly focused on Mandy, but when she and Roseanne left to go to the bathroom together, I turned my attention to Brooke. It’s still hard for me to think of Brooke as a girl, even though he’s obviously ALL female, but at that moment, I just thought it’d be funny if I pretended to hit on him. For sure, it’d weird him out or something, and we’d both have a good laugh.

Except that’s NOT what happened. It had slipped my mind that Brooke had a vulnerability to flirting, that it got him completely turned on. I saw his (her?) eyes completely glaze over, and she slouched in her chair with a moan. “Dude,” she sighed, one hand slipping under the table. “Don’t tease me like that.” Her nipples were obviously getting hard under her shirt. And I still didn’t click, so I continued.

“Bro, you’re totally nipping out… Got the hots for me, dontcha?” I added with a laugh.

Brooke moaned again, and before I could stop it, she got up, reached behind my neck, and gave me the deepest kiss I’ve had since I last had sex with Mandy, a few years back. It lasted a good thirty seconds, then she pushed me back and, flushed and cursing, raced away to the bathroom. She nearly ran through Mandy and Roseanne, who were returning at that moment.

They asked me if everything was all right. I forced myself to smile, not too sure about what had just happened. “Yeah,” I said, showing more confidence than I felt. “Now that you’re back, everything’s all right.”

Brooke eventually returned, a satisfied look on her face, and she guiltily snuggled up against Roseanne, avoiding me for the rest of the brunch.

Damn but that was a good kiss. But Brooke — erk!

–Jaycee