On Sunday, with some personal friends and a few colleagues from work, we had a barbecue at my place. It was a disaster, of sorts.
My secret intention was to setup Jennifer (whom I’ve known for almost a decade, and who’s a little sister to me) with Antony, a colleague who’s a great guy and shouldn’t have been this single for this long (although it all makes sense NOW). I personally hate setups like these (when they happen to me; otherwise, they’re a blast to organize) and I didn’t want their first meeting to be awkward, so I went all out. Forty-or-so people, tons of meat and munchies, booze, loud music, decorations — the works.
The advantages of having LOTS of people and noise is that it keeps faeries at bay. It certainly does that with “mine”… The downside is that it makes them irritable, and “she” was no exception. She mixed some faerie dust with the meat spices before going away. If you don’t know this already, faerie dust is a tiny sparkly powder that doesn’t do much unless certain conditions are met. For instance, if you KNOW it’s there and TRY to make it do something, it won’t do anything. You have to be oblivious to its presence. Also, it reacts a little differently for each person, depending on their repressed sexual fantasies.
Jennifer, as it turns out, has a LOT of those. One of which involves her breasts, which (from her own admission, don’t hate!) are on the small side. That normally lets her walk around in tight shirts with minimal support (no bra). On Sunday, however, the more burgers she ate, the… *ahem*… “meatier” she got. It didn’t take long for her shirt to start showing her bellybutton, and before her third burger was done, it was starting to strain real bad around the chest. It also turns out she likes reggaeton and men-sandwiches (usually, probably not at the same time, but at the party, I guess her inhibitions flew right out the window). She ended up in a circle of cheering men (and a few appreciative women who, I realized later, also had had some faerie dust), gyrating and grinding her butt into Antony’s groin, with two other bare-chested guys pressing up against her.
That’s about when I figured out where the faerie dust was and got rid of it, but it was a bit too late. Half of my guests ended up fornicating in the pool, which alerted some neighbors and triggered a visit from the police to stop the party. Fortunately, it seems like Jennifer has a thing for men in uniforms, and the two police officers soon ended up OUT of their uniforms, having a four-way with Jennifer and Antony.
Me, I just went to hide in the basement and waited for the disaster to be over.
About an hour ago, I got an email from Antony, who apparently is now in a gay relationship with one of the police officers. As for Jennifer, she’s not picking up my calls.
Life just sucks, sometimes.
Jaycee